I think I made this fast out to be more glorious than it is. In fact, there really is nothing glorious about it. I feel like I have turned into a different person. Or maybe my true self is just coming out. I get very irritable. I am also very mello about everything, which is weird because I am already a pretty mello guy.
Motivation has dwindled significantly. I often find myself not wanting to pursue the Lord. But when I think of things I could possibly do, nothing seems to appeal to me. It’s not really about what I want anyways, is it?
All my pride and wickedness seems to be brought to the surface. I feel as though I am nothing. I don’t know that I even love God. I don’t know what He would want to do with me. Even though I feel miserable, my head keeps telling me to keep going.
God is here in this desert. Testimonies encourage me. I know God must be here somewhere, and all this is not going to waste. God, I know, sees my heart. He sees my desire. There’s glory ahead of me. And I must get it. This is the Lords house and I must prepare it for Him. Though all my emotions tell me differently, He is my Beloved, He is my friend. I’m weak, and my efforts are few, but He’s here. I know it.
Just to fall madly in love with Jesus…
