Today was a good day, but I am super tired. I was running around trying to finish up my photo project since the time I woke up till I left with my soon to be bride to go on a date. We started off to this barn that I have been eyeing for quite some time. It is a beautiful barn. The paint is chopped off, along with the faded white paint hanging on. It stands tall with a large open window center top. There is a broken wagon in front. It almost looks like what I would see on Oregon Trail as a kid. Sarah modeled for me as I shot some pictures of her looking out from the barn as though she had been living inside without ever seeing the outside world for twenty years. This barn has an oxymoronic look to it. What I mean by that is it looks clearly abandoned yet intimate – oxymoronic.
After we were done we went to a place called Smoothie King to get a MANGOSTEEN smoothie. Yeah you read that right. Mangosteen, the best fruit in all of Southeast Asia. It was delicious. We finished off the night at Denny’s drinking tea and finishing our Save the Dates.
The day went by without much thought about the Lord. It was still a good day, but I miss Him. Tomorrow is my sabbath. I want the Lord in my life, but when it comes down to it, I don’t find myself doing what I desire to do. Throughout this fast I have struggled with actually separating myself to just let Him love on me. I am distant from Jesus and I don’t want to be.
I find myself often discouraged because of my lack of zeal, pursuit, desire and plain out love for the Lord. I am a wicked creature. I can’t do anything. Everything in me is selfish and vain. How am I even to love God any more? Everything good in me is Him, but every day I take the credit. How can I better myself? That’s my ambition, my pride, what consumes my soul.
Today, yeah today was a good day. It was a good day indeed. But at the end as I am laying in bed, looking at my life, I need faith. I need faith that allows me to trust that today was actually a good day. Lord, you know, it was a good day.
You’re here, yeah it was a good day.
