Last night I was up till 2:30am trying to get to sleep. My sinuses were killing me. I began to wrestle with whether I should quit this fast or not. I really don’t want to. I mean, I just need Jesus. That verse the Lord gave me about living on the Word of God rather than bread alone imparted grace into my soul. I usually find every reason and any reason not to fast. But then again I was feeling horrible and had to wake up at 6:45am. So I wrestled with God, or maybe myself.
This morning I got a dream. In the dream I was passing out on the sidewalk. I couldn’t see straight until I was in a doctor’s room. The doctor then told me to eat some food. I told her I wouldn’t because I was fasting and plus I can’t just eat anything to break an extended fast like that. I then saw a calendar and the next week was marked out with fruits and vegetables for the next 7 days. Then the dream ended.
The Lord spoke to my soul saying that fasting isn’t about sacrifice in and of itself. Fasting is about seeking the Lord, and letting Him love on you.
I had fears that if I were to break it, I would be a failure. I sometimes get assumed pictures of what it ought to look l Ike when seeking the Lord. I try to recreate those pictures, some that I have seen other people do. That is not what the Lord is about though. The Lord works in different ways with each person.
In the dream the Lord was telling me to eat something this week. I am sticking to only fruits and veggies. In a way that is sometimes hard for me to understand, this is the Lord’s mercy. It is His kindness, His beautiful heart towards me. Who would have known that faith and submission would look like me altering my fast and actually eating some food.
The Lord is good and His mercy is packaged new every day. It is His good pleasure to work that in all His people.
As I post this I am slurping down on some vegetable soup. It is good have some hot food again. Even the Lord’s mercy can come to us as a bowl of soup.
